ytd sweetness last only awhile. :(
its gone after a nap.

its only dearest guessed dao how i was ytd.

today. i'm nt in the blogging mood. mind damn mixed up.
i dont lke the feeling of pretending i am alrite when i am not.

sudden heart pain (i mean real chest pain) and had to pretend i am fine.
cramping but i had to make it till i'm alrite.

slpless nights. fearful times.
waking up in middle of night or almost close to waking time but not by the alarm the past few days is pretty enough to strain me. to pretend to smile to make it throu' lke i am fine.

everything so not me. yet its so the me now.
it didnt feel good tt the many times today i had tears straining my eyes. painful. and yet i had to be stubborn to not let 'em fall. and i succeed somehow. didnt i?

the smiling moments i guess was with the usuals. despite not feeling lke meeting today (becox too much in my mind i noe today i'd be quiet) but the "secrets" with jh did made me smile. the thinking back of the sec sch days during bus ride. how i was the "nice one" made me smile.

and the great memories bought back. listening to 'em. how the life could acty innocently revolved and made memorable cause of tt someone back then? its all v easy. lke him/her becox of his/her lil' actions. lil' thoughts. when everything perished. maybe the you died tgt with the memories. but at least it turned out to be sth when u tink back u'd still smile now.

i didnt wan to say sorry. but i did.
but i didnt wan to say bye bye. not now not anymore. somehw i'm losing grip of everything. i dont know how. the feeling now sucks even more than the pain just now.

it feels weak tt the tears fall. and the eyes is damn painful.
but nopes. i'm just going to bed after this. working tml still.

*HUG MICKEY* slp tight.
if only its this easy.

dont tell me its alrite. dont ask me why.
i wont ans. i wont i wont i wont.